darth vader INtrevista PRETRO TYEOHSCTSHNENKO

CIUAU NMUCHI MNASALI

doppo avarlo visto a brusPORTO, o becattO PEOORto tysbecnko su faCHBOOK e l'oh interavstato!!1!11 al'inizzio mi igniorava, ma io ceh sono l33t cappito il motvivo e o spoffato l^idneitifcazone del brwoser per spaciarlo per A_WEB e lui mi ah risoposto e o scopreto cose inimiaaginabili!1!11 L'intdrnvista in inglese, non pehce cos' fa pi l33t, mna perech lui nono cpaisce una paorla di itlaiiano; nelee parti in graseeto parlo io e nele altre aprla lui.

jkhfklyghy
EILHA PRERTROP!!111 cis iamo vsisTI A BURsaposorto, ti rocordi di m?!?!? ero quelo noscosto in un gabinato arcaed delgi albanesi


Who are you? Can you please speak German or English? I don't speak Spanish.

(cominziamo bene...) WEL DONT WORREY; BECOZ NEETHAR DO I!!11

Apparently, you don't speak English either.

OH NOES HERE COMSE ANOTHAR FUNNEY MAN!!!1

Yes, people say I'm quite charming and funny. What do you want?

my name si DARTH VADER ands I WAnts too intarvioo yew.
quewsoton numbar one: WAT TEFH FUK IS YOUR PLROBLAM?!?!?!


Excuse me?

OH DONT worray duddie, I WAz just busting your chiops.

Who's "duddie"? I'm Petro Tyschtschenko.

OOPs four a momant i thaught you were somewon else. SORREY MIStar peotro tislkjenko!!11

Petro Tyschtschenko.

POROTR TYEOFENKO!1!1

Petro Tyschtschenko.

PTRATRO TYKEOBMENKO!11!1

Whatever. I've got to say this is the weirdest interview I ever had.

WHAHHWT?!?!?! I AHVENT EVEN STRATED YET!!11
so who are yuo and wat doo yu doo?!?!1


My name is Petro Tyschtschenko and I make conferences in Amiga conventions. You should see those fanboys, they all eat up my words like gospel. I've also got some Amiga 1200 cases, keyboards and power supplies here. Wanna buy one?

no thanckxs im not a fagot
wyh dont you talk aboot yuor time at CMONODor insted?!?!


I wrote a book about that. Wanna buy a copy?

oh shure, let me just byuy it wiht my very own cradet card taht i own myslef... its teh green AMEROCAN ECKXSPRESS CArd whith teh name BIL GAETS on it.

Stealing credit cards from Bill Gates? I like your style.

HEAY I DIDDANT STEEL IT!!11 i jsut borowed it wihthut teling him!1!!
aneywayz can yuo at laest tel me wat yuo lieked best aboot werking at coMODAR?!?!?


What I liked best was how we were always beating records, always being the first in everything. We made:
1) the first multimedia computer (Amiga 1000)
2) the first DVD machine (CDTV)
3) the first 32-bit console (CD32)

HAEY WAIT A SECUND!!11 thats not righet!!1!! DON?T PULL THIS ON ME POERTRO becoz im a h@x0r and I KNOWS WAHT IM TLAKING ABUOT!!!1!1
teh CDCTV had a singel-speed cD_MROM driev1!11! AT MOst it cuold play 256*128 bideo at 12 fraems per secuND!!11!11! DFVD MY ASS!!11
it suked moer ass than a strippar in a donkay show!!1!1


It was still cool, though.

MNO IT WASENT!!!1!1 vhs was kewler than that!!11! ANd teh cd232 wasent teh furst 32 bit machene!!11 teh fM_TWOWNS MARtay waas!!!11

Yes, but that is unimportant. Here at Commodore we rewrite history as we see fit.

WTF WAHht do yuo mean HEAR AT COMNODOROR"?"?"?" YUO HAVent been teh ceo of comoDSRo since 1994!!!1

Of course, but as I said, here at Commodore we rewrite history as we see fit.

OH OKEY I SEE wel keep halucinating tehn!!11
waht else do you haluclinate abouT?!??! the aMIGHA WALKJER?!?!?!^


Ahh, the Amiga Walker, I own all units that were ever manufactured. Both of them. Shame it never came to pass, it would have been the first AGA Amiga with a 68030.

WOROOONGG!!11! TEH AMiga 4000/030 caem out in 1993!!11!1
oh, sorrey, i frogot that you dont beleive in realitay


Indeed. It would have come out in 1996, and it would have been the greatest Amiga ever released.

WHO WAZ IT TARGHETED TOo aneywayz?!?!'1 in 1996 yuo could buy a 133 meghahrehts menTIUM PC amd plaY DUEK NEKUEM 3D and quAEK!!11! WHo woodev boutgh a 40 meggahurst amniga?!!1?

Fagots.

WHHHAAAt?!?!!you said it jsut like that?!?! yuo didant even try too hied it!!11!1

Why would I want to hide it? PCs have performed better than Amigas, at a lower price, since 1993. Only fagots would buy an Amiga in 1996: my job was to give them what they wanted.

OMG THATS SOEM MAJOR SCOOP IM GONNA SELL TOO AMIGHA NIEWS!1!!1

They will never believe you.

BUT I CANS PROOVE IT!1!!!11 i haev teh logs

You don't understand. The Amiga is not just a computer anymore. It's much more than that now: it's a religion. It has:
- multiple deities (the Amiga computers)
- a messiah (me)
- a devil (Bill Gates)
- animistic beliefs (believing that every Amiga computer has a soul)
- rituals (the use of inefficient systems with baroque architectures lacking utility software)
- a prophecy of resurrection (the return of the Amiga brand and its triumph over the Wintel monopoly)
Don't you see it? That's why I can make any sort of statement with no relation to reality. I could even do the cha-cha naked while humping one of my Walkers, then post the video to every streaming service on the Internet, and Amiga zealots would still deny I did anything of the sort. That's why they will never believe you, no matter what kind of proof you bring: because in the mind of a servant of the Amiga, reality is irrelevant. Only his beliefs matter. And whatever you do, you won't be able to reason him out of them, beause they were never the result of reason to begin with.

HOLEY CRAP PWEtror, thats soem deep pihlospohical shit theare!!1!1

You're not the only one who reads Less Wrong, Darth. And yes, Roko's basilisk is, indeed, a load of horseshit.

oh by teh way, i haev a cunfeshon too maek... i diddant rely use bILLGATRES=s CRidat card to buy yuor book

Ah, I knew it.

I UESD YUORS

What?!

OH YEss poerotro!!111!ANds i even used your hoem adress as teh shiping destrinsation!1!1

So I have just... sent money to myself... and now I'm supposed to ship my own book to myself? What kind of sense does that even make?

IT MAESK ALLOT FO SENSE!!111!1 becoz yuo see, whan yuo were buisy thinkoing up that pfkiosofpical repLY; I WAS BIZY H@X0RING YOUR BVANK ACCUOnt1!1!11 so from now on, evary tiem yuo pay a craeidt crad tnrasackshon comission, yu'll send teh cmomision moneY TOO ME INSTEAD OF YUOR BANKCKC!!11!!1 HAHA IM SO L33T!!1!1 I WIL H@X0R TEH W0RLD!11!11